Thursday, March 31, 2011

Castles in the Air

This is where I live.  Really.  In my dreams.  And a girl can dream, can't she?  I wonder around in a mad reverie most of the time, getting lost a lot.  Secret passageways, hidden rooms, it is really a wonderful place to spend time and while away the hours.  Coop and Hen, my imaginary friends, spend lots of time with me, conversing and giggling.  Sharing secrets that only special friends are privy to. I walk around naked alot here, because I can, because Coop and Hen don't really care and I don't scare myself to death.  The windows are open constantly and there are always breezes wafting through, wonderful scents to stimulate my senses.  My books and paint brushes are always within hands reach, ready to stretch my imagination, explore far away worlds and capture priceless moments.  My camera as always is attached to me in some way, shape or form.  I want to be able always to see what I have seen and remember the way it looked the second it locked in my memory.
I have lots of memories, lots of photos and not much time anymore.
But a girl can dream, can't she?

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Pink Dogwood, Wisteria and Rain

Sometimes it is the little things that give you the biggest thrill.  I was driving home from work one evening and noticed the wisteria climbing all over everything and blooming like crazy.  Then a couple of days later a dogwood jumped out at me, well, not literally, it just caught my eye (the one on the right, the good one) and I smiled to myself.  Spring really is here.  Actually it has been here in NC for a couple of weeks, cherry and crabapple trees have been blooming, light to dark pinks, and the forsythia in brilliant, bright yellow.  Most of all, over the past few days, the neon, snot-green pollen has started floating through the air.  Complaints of headaches, stuffed noses and sneezes are everywhere, coming from everyone.  Hopefully the rain today and tomorrow will help it abate for a few days; I heard the other day that this is supposed to be the worst pollen season in a long time, so it won't be over, unfortunately, for me.  I did learn an important lesson last year; keep the doors and windows closed and don't breath as long as you're outside.  The really sad part of this spring for me is the fact that I haven't been able to capture any of it with the camera.  My eye has made it impossible, even with the digital camera.  Too much of vision deficit to work with, simply said, blurry is the word.

It has been crazy, busy at the SRC for the past two weeks.  Chaos and confusion reigned.  Lots of men and women (mostly men this time) in digitalized greens and browns.  Lots of immunizations given.  My co-worker Sonja was sitting at the desk closest to the thermostat and I asked her Thursday to turn on the air.  The blank look on her face was priceless, "Air?", she asked.  It zoomed right over her head, as it swished by, she finally caught on to what I was asking for, but at that moment it was as though I had asked her in German or French, or some alien language..."what is this air you are asking about".  We got a much needed laugh out of it, but it is sad that you can reach that level of tired.  We have given pretty close to 2500 immunizations in the past couple of weeks.  That is really an unbelievable number when you divide it by the three people giving them.  Stupid tired is what I call it!!!

I had lunch with a friend today.  I have considered her a friend since late last summer.  We have talked alot and shared much. She is a strong believer in AA and is a recovered alcoholic.  There are things in her life she was a bit allusive about; a long distance relationship and a partner that treated her like a doormat.  Her sister and I had both encouraged her to end it and walk away before she got burned.  I know how hard that is and how long it can take sometimes.  But she finally did it and she looks and sounds so much better.  But, I found out the biggest allusion of all today...her partner was a female and she is a lesbian, well, bisexual, well, confused.  She had always referred to her as her "partner, friend or lover", never alluding to the fact that she was a she!  I was a little shocked and wide eyed, hopefully my jaw didn't drop too far down on my chest.  I can't really say I was too surprised.  I've always wondered.  She has been dating a guy for the past month or so, hence the confusion.  She says he knows about her involvement with females and doesn't mind and would like to watch sometime...duh!!!  What does one say to all this?  It is hard to think and form cohesive sentences when you are more than a little surprised, not shocked, just surprised.  I told her I wasn't shocked and had really wondered, but that I did not and would not base our friendship on her sexual proclivity, unless she had designs on me that didn't fit, lol!!  I guess the real zinger for me is that at the age of 52 she is still "wondering" where her life will take her.  Maybe that is a good thing, maybe not.  It doesn't change the fact that I consider her a friend and hope she will continue to confide in me when she needs an ear.

I'm glad I know who I am and where I belong.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Lost in the Rat Race of Life

It has been pretty close to a year since I blogged.  Between becoming disengaged with myspace and starting a full time job, I lost my words.  Maybe not lost, but separated from.  Several of you have encouraged me, and championed me to return to the wonderful world of blogging.  I am going to attempt it.  I picked up a journal last night and somewhere over the past several months I have also let my writing go; I could not believe the amount of dust it collected.  Somehow I feel that my words and thoughts have become just as dusty and neglected.  It is not fair to my creative juices to just let them dry up, but some greater force within me tried, with all it's might, to shut me up! It has been a long, dry season.  Lots of thoughts bottled up, opinions withheld and top-secrets buried to protect myself along with the innocent. 

The top-secret shit comes with my job.  Also HIPPA rules regulate what and how I say anything pertaining to my position.  So I will have to make stuff up and change the names of the guilty to protect the not-so-innocent.

I'm in the process of de-junking my art room.  It too has become neglected with the short dark, days of winter.  Projects are planned and waiting.  More than a few of you have been promised something homemade from me before years end, so I must get started.  Ideas abound, so it is time to harness them and turn them into bounty.

It is sad that I let this job take over my life.  But I am going to retake it, shake it up a little and breath some new life into it.  Quite possibly I will find me underneath it all.